trying to be cranky at christmas

it's really hard to maintain a proper bad mood this time of year. i'm one of those people who gets so ridiculously excited over it all... christmas trees & lights & music and just the whole spirit of things. i've been feeling really down lately because of health issues and complications but in the midst of all this crap there have been these moments of- i can't even call it clarity- just goodness- you know what i mean? even while most of what i thought of as my life is collapsing around me, i'm finding joy in little bits of random wonderfulness- jared's kitty stalking the christmas lights.... my physical therapist's collection of Grinch ties (he has 36! and wears a new one each day during the xmas season)....... a new 'do (thanks to my wonderful aunties who gave me a gift certificate to a fabulous salon i could never afford!)... taking my grandma to the city to see Meet Me in St. Louis at the Irish Rep (thanks to jared!) and walking down 7th avenue with her, listening to stories about when she used to work in the fashion district....my collection of super-sweet and super-creative get-well cards from all my students and customers at YHP (who i miss so much!!!).... jeffrey's amazing red punch and the huge fruit-heart-ice-cubes..... i'm even a little in love with the team of nurses who take care of me when i go for my treatments at LIJ- especially the two dueling ellens and the sweet rakti who brings me warm blankets when my teeth chatter, without me even asking.... my amazing friend laura, with whom i have weekly slumber parties that are the most relaxing time ever (i, little miss I Don't Have a TV, am developing a very intense relationship with Bones, Grey's Anatomy, and Heroes) and who made me these incredible christmas mixes. i am especially obsessed with the dolly parton song Hard Candy Christmas... it kinda suits my current flavor. kindness is everywhere. how freaking cool is that?!