on Milk

saw Milk last night at the chelsea clearview with karen. left ragged, inspired, enraged. swollen from tears and gratitude. kept re-hearing in my head the applause that burst out of us all when the movie was over. how my hands smarted after. and feeling how nothing's different but everything is. we still carry the same signs. there is still such need. we still gather and dance and cry and we are still fighting and for me, there are just so very many big feelings tangled up in that.

so i walked home singing, feeling winged. tears drying on my face, my prayers floating up on breath. couldn't sleep. sat up all night listening to the real Milk speak his words (ah, youtube). i haven't been able to get out of the grey today. charles and i have snuggled our way through like 6 episodes of bones and all the deep meaningful looks are beginning to get to me. i've considered doing the dishes but it's not looking promising. i was supposed to go to the lower east side this morning, to pick up my finally-fixed fancy bag. no dice. no bag, either. it's like i can't think today, can't feel. did too much of that last night and today i am swaddling myself in soft stripey cotton. wrapping my head around this film is sort of an onion-y process.

wow... the absentee blogger strikes again, huh?  

or doesn't strike, as the case may be.

today:

the catherine opie exhibit at the guggenheim.  me and karen.

sweet jesus, is that building ugly from the outside!  

but oh my heavens, the show inside was incredible.  

her portraits make me feel so many things.

her portraits made me want to learn how to take photos, 

the first time i ever saw them.  and they still do.

then:

the first wintery-feeling walk across central park.

dinner at tom's restaurant of seinfeld fame, 

where my french toast was that shade of neon yellow-green i associate with 

glow-sticks often acquired at bar mitzvahs

and the bacon came from the fry-o-later.

then:

changeling.

great period piece, but was i the only person 

who was bothered by the police chief's semi-irish accent 

making its first appearance a third of the way into the film?

i love angie's red lipstick and wish i could wear that every day.

angsty movie, though.  

now:

to bed.

oh Mary this minute....

so i was on the phone with my mom discussing plans for tomorrow and watching the live jon stewart-stephen colbert show with karen when it happened 

and you could immediately hear the cheering through the windows... screaming and  crying and howling at the moon.

the world just erupted... 

so we grabbed  the pugs and went for a walk down to 145th street.  

i do not have words for the experience.  every car that drove past was honking, with folks dangling out windows, laughing.  people were singing, crying, dancing in the streets.   children shouting O-BAMA! and YES WE CAN.  even the cops were honking!  over and over again, neighbors shouting his name and the names of his wife and children.  and the numbers- the percentage points.  

i can't wipe the grin from my cheeks.  my heart is bursting.  

halloween, me:

cowboy boots, sparkles, red coat, blue barack t, white scarf.  favorite little skirt.  doing festivities with karen & co. at the halloween parade in the village. 

i was: hope.

yeah, i got that face from a bunch of the people at the parade too. i don't care.  it is the only thing i can think of right now.

i threw glitter in the air and danced and laughed and it was splendid fun.

and now, tuesday:

full of spingles and hope and totally nervous.  

i voted at 7:30 this morning with my dad 

before jumping on the good old lirr to get home.  

i feel like i could jump out of my skin.  

like it's opening night. 

i am a walking prayer.