on Milk

saw Milk last night at the chelsea clearview with karen. left ragged, inspired, enraged. swollen from tears and gratitude. kept re-hearing in my head the applause that burst out of us all when the movie was over. how my hands smarted after. and feeling how nothing's different but everything is. we still carry the same signs. there is still such need. we still gather and dance and cry and we are still fighting and for me, there are just so very many big feelings tangled up in that.

so i walked home singing, feeling winged. tears drying on my face, my prayers floating up on breath. couldn't sleep. sat up all night listening to the real Milk speak his words (ah, youtube). i haven't been able to get out of the grey today. charles and i have snuggled our way through like 6 episodes of bones and all the deep meaningful looks are beginning to get to me. i've considered doing the dishes but it's not looking promising. i was supposed to go to the lower east side this morning, to pick up my finally-fixed fancy bag. no dice. no bag, either. it's like i can't think today, can't feel. did too much of that last night and today i am swaddling myself in soft stripey cotton. wrapping my head around this film is sort of an onion-y process.