a whiny rant

it's been a big forever since i've blogged. not typing much these days. complications with the arm. i'm in this strange limbo state- i have more free time than i have ever had in my whole life, but i feel frustrated by how little i can do with it. i'm trying to use the time. to read books i've put off. to fully watch movies. to see friends. to take (weirdly-angled-because-i'm-shooting-lefty) photographs. to take exceedingly long walks in my little suburban neigborhood.

you know, i write it down and it sounds rather idyllic. except that my friends have jobs to go to, they can't play every day. and i'm bored of my neighborhood (and my movies and my books). what it comes down to is this- i want to be able to work. to scrap, and stamp, and teach and write. and all of that is off limits right now. and i'm tired of the pain and the uncertainty and the doctors and the lawyers and the effing sling. i'm tired of new pain medications that don't work and i'm tired of lying on my couch, huddled around my all-natural heating pad (a teddy bear full of rice that i stick in the microwave and which gives off a strange, old-apple scent). i've always been this diesel girl, even inexplicably so. i can move refrigerators and carry tons of groceries really far and in high school i was the cheerleader who threw all the other cheerleaders in the air- and now i feel like this little weakling thing. i have no stamina. lifting a 20 oz. soda to my lips with the wrong hand by accident will put me out of commission for the rest of the day. so i'm a bit cranky. but enough of the rant.

i am alive (you think i'd act more grateful- not everybody gets hit by a car and then stands up to ask "are you f-ing serious?") and i am mostly ok and even when i get cranky i have friends who are excellent to play with. photos are 1. from a recent jaunt to twin ponds with my lovely and talented friend karen, and 2. my lovely sister catherine, during our middle-of-the-night photo shoot on a sistergirls sleep-over at my house on saturday night.