not for 2peas

i made this layout this evening after clearing off my table enough to have a flat orizontal surface large enough to actually lay down some paper. it's exactly what i had in mind when i bought this postcard at a little shop in the west village. one of the twisty little streets off seventh, i forget which. i'm feeling this ambivalence about making public my political scrappage. true ambivalence, as in being pulled in opposite directions. because the point of this art is revolution. because what is the stuff for if not to be made public, to create opportunities for thought or conversation, why make it if not to make it known. and yet, in the back of my mind (and the warnings of some well-meaning folks who are true in their concern and must be considered if not heeded) there is the issue of a paycheck. there is the issue of marketability, selectively showing one's work to create the most widely likeable image. there is the fact that i am lucky enough to at 26 years old to be making a living from being a scrapbook artist. granted, i have to wear every possible scrap-related hat to do that, but i consider that a learning experience. eventually i'll narrow my hats, but right now i'm counting my lucky stars, overjoyed that i am able to do this for a living- to make art out of my life, to scrapbook and teach others how to scrapbook. to share my passion for this art-form, this history-making. to learn about this industry from every possible angle. i feel so lucky to be on this path and i don't mean to jeopardize that but i also don't mean to be anything but myself, no matter how professional i am supposed to be. see, being a rather girly sort of dyke, i run the constant risk of being 'passed' by straight people- that is, they assume i'm straight like them, until i tell them otherwise. a few years ago, after breaking up with a long-time girlfriend whose constant presence ensured my consistent public outing, i went through a phase where i wore a rainbow at all times, carried a messenger bag with a rainbow strap, went to a lot of trouble to out myself non-verbally. still love rainbows & the symbolism & all that, but i'm no longer theme-dressing. yet now i find myself in this industry where there aren't very many out queers and oftentimes the norm seems very, very white-middle-class-christian-girl. it's overwhelming to be so in the minority, especially after spending the last few years in new york city academia, which is a very queer place. i am finding myself having to come out quite constantly. it's rather tiring and also quite satisfying in a remember-harvey-milk sort of way. it's mildly maddening that i couldn't post this layout on 2peas, but i know it would offend on several accounts. but that's also why folks like me have to make such stuff, say such things, and make them public by any means necessary. just to be clear, the handwriting says: to every Queer proud enough to march- strong enough to be and live Out- and wise enough to claim your place in history- THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. dm 2006.