blessed girl

it's been a wild time of big turmoil in my life. i have been dealing with some large emotional issues and the re-shaping of some important relationships and also the fun of home-hunting in harlem in december. a wet, slushy, cold, nor'easter flavored december. i keep telling myself the universe is at work and so i must trust. i've been reading the artist's way by julia cameron, given to me by my dear friend robin, and it speaks to me in this gut-deep way.

actually, a lot of books that do that have fallen into my lap lately- the alchemist by paulo coehlo, the wouldbegoods by e.nesbit, eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert.... it's weird, how that happens.

synchronicity.

you need something so badly and it appears in your life, almost by magic.

i have been needing change, a big change, in the outside of my life- to reflect the internal spring-cleaning i've had going on for the last few months, and i was asking for it, praying for it, but not entirely sure how to create it or maybe just not feeling strong enough to create it and so the Universe saw fit to kick me in the ass and create it for me.

and then throw the necessary reading material in my lap.

and then, when i was feeling dark and alone and overwhelmed by all the brewing change, and scared that my newfound strength might not be strong enough, the Universe reminded me of the angels i already have in my life- friends who remind me by their very steadfastness, silliness, and willingness to give of themselves and their talents.

there's my friend jared and his magically-coinciding house-hunt that might well land me in my favorite apartment in all of manhattan, and my dear robin and her wonderful husband ralph who have opened their home to me and my kitties while we finish out our house-hunt, and filled the fridge with my favorite green apples and hung me a christmas stocking (with my name on it!). there's cynthia and her warmth and compassion and her faith in me. there's mary, telling me to breathe whenever i forget. and then there's kristian, who i haven't seen in forever but who pops up with his muscles whenever i have to move (and with his righteous anger for me which totally gives me the warm fuzzies). and then, there's kristi. kristi and her kick-ass purging and packing skills. kristi who i can work with for like 3 hours without either of us ever realizing we never put on music cause we were too busy talking and laughing. kristi who gets what it's like to struggle against the craziness of your own mind, and also wholly supports me steps to become as healthy as i can. kristi who didn't think i was insane when i said i would get rid of all my old pairs of chucks that stink, but only after we took them outside and photographed them in the grass.

so, tonight, i'm taking a break from the packing and moving. i'm scrapping some fun, random shit that has nothing to do with anything, and i'm taking a deep breath and just saying thanks.