personal refurbishing

it's monday morning.  summer is almost over.  the school year is approaching, and for me i'm stil not quite used to that not affecting or shaping my days.

i have to leave in a little while for my first session with my personal trainer, mike.  i spent a large portion of yesterday rearranging the furniture in my bedroom.  and unpacking.  and a little bit of writing.  i checked my voicemail messages for the first time in  week, though i did not actually return any phone calls.

i feel like there are so many steps to take to make my life manageable again.   and i'm trying to be upbeat optimistic chick but the greys are creeping in.  

by all accounts i should be taking a class this september- apparently, not having taken Statistics as an undergrad is an issue when you're considering a graduate degree in the mental health field. so before i can apply to the master's progam i want to do, i've got to take friggin statistics.  those who know me know there's a reason i've not taken a math class since high school.  but so what, right?  i can survive this life, i can do anything.  i can take a bit of math class.  no prob.  what i can't seem to do is the running around and paperwork between like 6 different offices and 9 mildly belligerent secretaries that's required to get oneself into a required undergrad course as a non-matriculated student.  ugh.  i can barely type the sentence.    so i don't go.  or i go and deal in fits and spruts and nothing ever gets actually done. 

do you know i've gain 70 pounds in the last 3 years?  that's, like, an 11 year old.  i'm walking around with an extra person dangling off my body.  now, granted, much of the weight was a direct result of moving from the city to long island (where exercise is an activity you pay for as opposed to just how we live our lives) and then getting hit by a car and spending nearly two years at the most ridiculously low activity level because of my injuries.   i have reached my pinnacle of weak and flabby.  my brothers used to brag that i was freakishly strong.  and i can still push through almost any pain, that strength has not gone away (hmm...... as i get older i feel less compelled to actually to do, to push through physical pain.  though i remember it as a trait my gymnastics and cheerleading coaches loved in me).  anyway, i'm so done with the tired broken down body routine.  so i'm getting whipped in to shape.  we'll see how that goes.  i'm curious about my own reaction to the process.  i'm kind of hoping my obsessive side will take over and i'll be at the gym 24/7.  for a girl who deals with as many addiction issues as i do, it's kind of exciting when i adopt one that's not bad for me.

a fortnight's holiday up north

tee hee... nearly all my british-isms in one title.

i've always summered on lake winnepesaukee in new hampshire, but this year i tried a week on a different lake, and i was absolutely charmed.  it turns out there are oher nice lakes, besides my own.  who knew?!

lake sunapee rocked my block.  

our house was absolutely adorable.  all knotty pine and windows with a big fireplace and, above it, a light-up landscape painting inn exceedingly opulent frame.  kitsch delish.

the dock out in the backyard, however, was by far my favorite location.  i took to starting my days out there at 6 am, bundled into a hoodie over my bathing suit.  i'd cuddle over a cup of tea and a book while the mist rolled in over the lake.  and by nine or so, the sun would be hot and high and i'd be baking in its glow with whatever various aunts and sisters and sisters' boyfriends would wander down to the

 dock.  watching the young fellas jump off the dock still bleary-eyed from sleep was a perfectly classic moment.  we felt like a painting.  

we had wild blueberries growing in our  backyard.  i ate a perfect red bowl of them with cream.  

this lake fed a different part of me.

  

thinkin' some thinks

been playin at YHP all day with my mom and kristi.

learning to twitter. or tweet. or whatever the hell kristi calls it.
i am ambivalent so far but that has not stopped me from periodically making public my current whereabouts.

we live in a weird age. even blogging is weird. fun, compelling, but weird.


just got back from two weeks' holiday in new hampshire (one week each with two sides of my three-sided family- one two seperate lakes!) and with my quickly-fading tan, my belly still kinda full from all the lobster, and a fist full of new photos, i have been scrapping my little heart out.

you know, i struggle so much with taking photos. it's weird- it's something that has always been such a simple pleasure for me, such a natural progression from participating in an event or seeing a sight to recording it or capturing it. but spending lots of time with folks who are doing picturesque things- or silly things in picturesque locations- i find myself wondering, second-guessing myself. when all my cousins run around and play football, i don't play. i'm the one on the sidelines taking pictures. and yes, it's true that i could not play football anyway 'cause of my surgeries and stuff, but it's small metaphor, really. i just know myself as a person of excess, and while i relish the blessing of art as a method of dealing with the world, sometimes i catch myself wanting to leave the world behind in favor of art.