personal refurbishing

it's monday morning.  summer is almost over.  the school year is approaching, and for me i'm stil not quite used to that not affecting or shaping my days.

i have to leave in a little while for my first session with my personal trainer, mike.  i spent a large portion of yesterday rearranging the furniture in my bedroom.  and unpacking.  and a little bit of writing.  i checked my voicemail messages for the first time in  week, though i did not actually return any phone calls.

i feel like there are so many steps to take to make my life manageable again.   and i'm trying to be upbeat optimistic chick but the greys are creeping in.  

by all accounts i should be taking a class this september- apparently, not having taken Statistics as an undergrad is an issue when you're considering a graduate degree in the mental health field. so before i can apply to the master's progam i want to do, i've got to take friggin statistics.  those who know me know there's a reason i've not taken a math class since high school.  but so what, right?  i can survive this life, i can do anything.  i can take a bit of math class.  no prob.  what i can't seem to do is the running around and paperwork between like 6 different offices and 9 mildly belligerent secretaries that's required to get oneself into a required undergrad course as a non-matriculated student.  ugh.  i can barely type the sentence.    so i don't go.  or i go and deal in fits and spruts and nothing ever gets actually done. 

do you know i've gain 70 pounds in the last 3 years?  that's, like, an 11 year old.  i'm walking around with an extra person dangling off my body.  now, granted, much of the weight was a direct result of moving from the city to long island (where exercise is an activity you pay for as opposed to just how we live our lives) and then getting hit by a car and spending nearly two years at the most ridiculously low activity level because of my injuries.   i have reached my pinnacle of weak and flabby.  my brothers used to brag that i was freakishly strong.  and i can still push through almost any pain, that strength has not gone away (hmm...... as i get older i feel less compelled to actually to do, to push through physical pain.  though i remember it as a trait my gymnastics and cheerleading coaches loved in me).  anyway, i'm so done with the tired broken down body routine.  so i'm getting whipped in to shape.  we'll see how that goes.  i'm curious about my own reaction to the process.  i'm kind of hoping my obsessive side will take over and i'll be at the gym 24/7.  for a girl who deals with as many addiction issues as i do, it's kind of exciting when i adopt one that's not bad for me.